So after yesterday's pitch of my new shot and the feedback I got, I decided to go a different route. I think this new shot that I'm thinking of has more "character" in it and I can play around more with the acting. My reel already has a lot of "regular joe" types in it so I think this shot would be better to do. AND I am more inspired by it.
Anyways, here's my new pitch:
Audio:
http://syncsketch.com/playground/ccde737513804cb988ee3cc1c6cec712#55985
“Oh my goodness me! Someone owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.”
Meredith is a crazy old lady that lives next door. Tyler, 14, loses his ball over her fence and is caught retrieving it in her backyard. Meredith coerces Tyler to come inside for some soup and while they talk, he accidentally swears in front of her.
Meredith lives alone and her kids have have their own families now, so she overcompensates her bright energy when she interacts with people.
- whoa, you’re not old enough to cuss!
- Cussing is a bad habit
- There are better ways to express yourself
- Try this totally innocent word
- This is the first human interaction that Meredith has had with someone in the younger generation since her kids don’t come around with her grandchildren
- She has the need to take care of people and share her knowledge that comes with old age
- Tyler thinks she’s crazy already but he’s too polite to leave
- Meredith doesn’t want to scare Tyler away
- she doesn’t want to be alone again
Staging:
- Meredith is stirring her soup on the stove when she hears Tyler say a bad word
I'm planning on only animating Meredith. Tyler is offscreen. I've attached a picture of an old lady next-door type i'm aiming for.
If you guys have any suggestions or ideas you think would make this planning stronger, please let me know! Otherwise, i'm going to start shooting reference and getting this into maya =) Thanks!
Hi Nicki, this is a fun piece of dialog. Looking at the subtext that you wrote, it looks like you're sticking pretty close to the literal meaning of what she's saying. Have you tried mixing it up a little to add an extra layer of intent or interest? For example, how would the subtext and tone of the shot change if she were holding a butcher knife? How would it be if she never faced the person she was talking to? If she never blinked? Can the subtext contain desperation? Malice? Is she being condescending? Look for ways to tweak the performance slightly away from the dialog as written to add more interest. Also, it sounds like there's some heavy breathing in the background, which is a bit ominous. I think you should take advantage of that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, Victor! I'll definitely think about a more contrasting subtext than what I currently have. I like the idea of her having a knife in her hand and being more "aggressively passive". It'll be way more interesting. Guess I was playing too safe. haha.
DeleteThanks again!